Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize