Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
