my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
