He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I touched a dick in church today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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