walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sarcasm needs its own font
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
