I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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