my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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