at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
