What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
