I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize