Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
