pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
