This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
