She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
