Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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