My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
