i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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