Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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