Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We named our party play list daddy issues
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
