how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
