Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
