it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
