hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
