He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
