Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
