You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
