Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
