you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
