New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
