The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
