I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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