a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
