Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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