I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
