I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just threw up on my dentist
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
