a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
