I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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