I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
