You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
