Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
