Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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