I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
