i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
