Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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