the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
