The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
