I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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