I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
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