Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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