We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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