you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
