Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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