Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
