I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
