Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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