I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
