don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
