your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
should my penis look like a turkey
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
