Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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