I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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