just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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