I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
