just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
