You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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