Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
