It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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