You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
