Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I need help removing her.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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