I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
