: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
