I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
