ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
