He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
