It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
