i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
