the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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