I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
