I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
God, I missed his penis.
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