so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
