idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
