Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
