Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize