Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
