I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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