yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
