You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
