next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The best revenge is premature balding
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
