It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
